Broken
by Ang1
Summary: PDLD. A bit darker than my usual, and NOT part of the Fosters series. I hope you enjoy it thought. Rating chosen for more mature subject matter and some language, please respect that.


To everyone who reviewed _Pretentious_, thank you. And for everyone who hoped my next PDLD would be the follow-up in the Fosters series, I'm sorry, but this just would not leave me alone. It's long, and the ending may seem a bit abrupt, but it is intended (for now) as a one-shot. The decision on whether or not to continue it will be based solely on whether or not this plot is finally out of my system.

**PLEASE NOTE:** The rating of 'M' for this fic was chosen mostly because the subject matter feels more mature to me. I hope I handled it appropriately, but the fact is, I don't believe that certain things should just be out there. This was very hard for me to write. I hope you all enjoy it, even though most of my fics are usually lighter than this.

Without furhter ado, here it is:  
_**Broken**_

_**

* * *

I stare at the scene before me, feeling my body shake. "What?" I whisper. **_

_**He pulls away from her quickly, looking at me sharply. "Rory? How did you get over there?"**_

_**I step back slowly, taking in his lurching steps. "Get away from me." I hiss.**_

_**He spreads his hands. "Rory, love, don't be rash."**_

_**I shake my head. "No." I whisper. "No." Turning quickly, I hurry out of the room, stopping abruptly when I reach the ballroom. I walk swiftly towards Stephanie and Logan. "I'm sorry." I whisper to them. "I have to go."**_

_**Stephanie's face clouds with worry. "What's wrong?" she whispers.**_

_**I turn quickly and see Finn come through the door, then glance back at her. "Congratulations, have a wonderful honeymoon, I'll see you when you get back." I say, hurrying to the main doors.**_

_**As I step outside, he calls my name. "Rory!"**_

_**I freeze. "Go back to her Finn." I say as calmly as I can.**_

"_**Rory, I'm sorry. It was a mistake. I got a little too drunk." I glance back briefly, and see his arms go out. "Please hear me out."**_

_**I turn slowly. "Finn, you're drunk. Again. As much as I love you, I don't want that in my life. Go back to her. She wants that."**_

"_**Rory, I don't even know her name." He moves carefully closer.**_

_**I feel hot tears streak down my face. "Finn, I'm not built for this. I'm not built to find you in bathrooms with your pants around your ankles and a blonde on your cock."**_

"_**I'll stop."**_

_**I look down at the ground. "That's what you said last week, when I told you I didn't think we could work. You promised me that I was it." I point sharply at the building. "If I was it, then who was she?"**_

"_**Princess, it's my best mate's wedding. I got a little tipsy and made a mistake."**_

_**I wrap my arms around myself. "I know." I whisper. "Just like I knew when I believed you could change." I pause. "I have to go."**_

_**I climb into a waiting cab, and let the tears stream down my face as he fades into the distance. **__**Goodbye Finley Morrison. I love you.**_

* * *

I stand in front of the large cherry bookcase, smiling at the photos. "You created a beautiful family mate." I tell him calmly. 

He grins. "It would have been better if my best friend had shown his face before my fifth anniversary."

I nod. "I couldn't stay Logan."

"I don't get it. You chased Rory out of the wedding, we all saw her the next day, and you were nowhere to be found."

I shrug. "I had some things to do." I follow him to the couch.

"And now you're back."

"Father summoned me. Apparently the head of our New York office was more than a little incompetent. I'm taking over his position."

"Steph's excited that you're back. She can't wait for you to meet the boys."

"Mini Huntzbergers? Can't wait."

He nods. "Why did you leave Finn?"

I breathe deeply. "I wasn't wanted here Logan, in some very key ways. I also needed to sort out my life."

"So you're still sober?"

I nod. "Not a single slip since that night."

"What happened that night? We can never really get a straight answer out of Rory."

I swallow deeply. "You still see her then?"

He lifts an eyebrow. "She's the boys' godmother. That's who they're with right now."

I close my eyes. "I should go. Work, and all." I say quickly, standing. _She'll kill me if she finds out I'm back._

"Whoa!" he lifts a hand, and gestures for me to sit. "You're eating here man. Steph already talked to the maid. Colin and Lane should be here any minute."

I glance around quickly. "I can't stay Logan." I insist.

"Of course you can stay!" Steph's voice sounds out from an entry. "Don't be ridiculous Finn."

I smile at her. "You look ravishing Mrs. Huntzberger darling, but really, I can't –

"Holy shit! Finn?" Colin's voice sounds from behind Steph.

I sigh. "Fuck." I whisper

Lane pokes her head into the room. "Well it's about time you came back!" she grins, and I stare at her.

"I'm sorry, what?"

She moves forward and pulls me into a hug. "You've been a stranger."

I pull back. "You're okay with me being here?" _Why doesn't she know?_

"Of course I am? Why wouldn't I be?"

"I can think of a few reasons." I offer carefully.

"I can think of more." **Her** strained voice clips from a side entrance.

* * *

I stare in disbelief as Mikey and Jason rush into the living room to hug Logan and Steph. _When did he get back?_

He hangs his head. "Hello princess." He whispers hoarsely.

I bite my lip. "Don't call me that." I can feel the stares of our friends as they glance between us. "Don't you ever call me that."

He runs his fingers through his hair. "I didn't mean to drop in un-announced." He glances up, and locks his eyes with mine.

_Dear god, they still look the same._ "Well you did." I shake my head quickly. "I have to go." I turn, and walk out of the room, crossing quickly to the door.

As I open it quickly, I'm stopped by Steph's voice. "What was that?" she asks abruptly.

I glance back at her, and breathe deeply. "That was the reason he left." I admit. "I really do have to go Steph. I can't do this."

* * *

I can feel their gazes settle on me as Steph walks back into the room. "Start talking Finley. Right now." She whispers. 

I shake my head. "No." I look at each of them in turn. "I fucked this up. I lost my friendship with her."

"We got that much. How?" Logan asks softly.

I lean back into the couch. "The truth? The truth is the reason I'm sober mate." I admit, standing. "The truth is that I'm in love with her, and I fucked it up by getting too drunk just one last time at your wedding." I shake my head, and collapse on the couch. I glance at Lane, who's staring at me with wide eyes. "We had been seeing one another a bit before the wedding, but didn't want to tell anyone and steal any thunder." I breathe deeply. "I…I took a few pills that night, had entirely too much to drink. She caught me in one of the bathrooms with a girl, and when I chased her out, she ended it for good." I close my eyes. "I've been sober – and clean – ever since."

I watch Lane stiffen. "You cheated on her."

I nod. "I did. I had promised her just one week prior that I was done, that not only was she the only girl, I was going to stop the drugs and cut back on the booze." I pause. "That was the night I realized I had a real problem, that I was losing the people who meant the most to be because of the drugs. I checked into rehab the next day, and moved back to Australia to work for Dad as soon as I got out."

"Don't try to turn this around as a good thing. She's wrecked." Steph clips.

"I can tell. Why did you think I was trying to get out of here the moment Logan told me she was coming?" I sigh. "I'll leave. Just…take care of her." I clip, standing and walking away from them once again. _I shouldn't have come back. I had to have known they would stay in contact with her. _I cross quickly to the doors of the large house. Stepping out, I see her leaning on my car.

"We need to talk." She offers softly. "If you're back in New York, then you deserve to know what I told them about that night."

"I did notice you didn't tell them the truth."

She nods. "Just because you ruined me, that doesn't mean I wanted to wreck your friendships with everyone else."

I nod, walking closer. "I appreciate that."

She shrugs. "I don't have a car. My place is a few blocks from here."

"You're sure you want me there?"

She smiles tightly. "No, but I'm not willing to do this on your territory or on neutral territory. I want to know I'm in control."

"Can I say one thing?"

She nods.

"I'm sober." I admit. "I've been sober since the day it happened. I'm more sorry than you'll ever know. I didn't think I'd ever get the chance to tell you that, but I did."

Her smile softens. "I'm glad." She glances away quickly. "We should go."

* * *

I unlock the door carefully, and motion for him to follow me. I move into the kitchen, quickly putting on a pot of coffee. "Don't even say it." I clip quickly, noticing his smile when he sees the coffee. 

"I hadn't planned to." He offers. "I told them."

I turn swiftly. "Why?"

"Because I was an ass, and part of being sober is admitting it. I well and truly ruined my life Rory, not just with you, though that was the area with the worst damage. It took me two years to regain my fathers trust."

"What you did to me was not the same thing." I whisper. "You broke me. You broke my soul." I admit. "God Finn, I had put so much of me into you that I didn't even realize how much until that night." I turn back to the pot and pour two large mugs of coffee. "I hope you didn't give up caffeine too. If you did, I'll drink it when I'm done the first." I place the mug in front of him and take a seat at the kitchen table across from him.

He shakes his head no. "I actually drink a fair bit of coffee." He whispers. "I'm not asking you to forgive me Rory." He whispers. "That's not to say I wouldn't very much appreciate it if you could, but what I did to you…I know now how bad it was. I'm just glad for the opportunity to apologize."

I close my eyes. _How many times have I imagined this? For him to come back, begging me for my forgiveness? God. _"I'm not ready to forget, and there's no trust." I tell him. "But…as much as I didn't want to, as hard as I tried not to, I still care. I'm so proud of you for being sober." I pause. "And forgiveness came long ago. Before we were…us…we were friends. Amazing friends." I look up at him, and see his eyes shining with tears. "I missed that so much Finn." I admit. "More than anything I think it's why I didn't tell anyone what happened. Because I figured, what if he comes back? What if he comes back and he's better, and we can be friends again? They'll never understand how I can have forgiven him."

"I don't deserve your friendship." He whispers.

I nod. "Yeah, but you're pretty much stuck with it, aren't you?"

He laughs very carefully. "I won't let you down again."

I feel myself nod again. "I know. I don't know why I know, but I do. I just…I feel it this time."

"Thank you."

* * *

I stare blankly at the wall before me, and then glance at Logan. "Why don't you just go ahead and say it mate?" 

"What, that you fucked up royally?"

I nod.

"You already know that. I'm not saying I understand why Rory forgave you, but apparently she did that a long time ago. What I know is that you're not the same person you were when you left. You're not the same person I knew."

"You've never known me sober." I remind him. "Father insists that this me is the boy he thought he'd lost forever. I think if she ever talks to me about it again I'll have to extend his eternal gratitude to Rory." I pause. "I know she has mine."

"Lane and Steph are still pissed, but they haven't talked to Rory."

"You have?"

"She runs three of my papers. I talk to her every day."

"Only three?" I quip.

"Very funny." Logan smiles a bit. "She worked to get them, my father fought her every step of the way. Her office is down the hall from mine."

I nod slowly. "She did alright then?"

He groans. "I shouldn't tell you this, but I'm going to anyways. Professionally, Rory Gilmore is on top of the world." He pauses. "Personally, she's just as broken as she was five years ago, only now we all know why."

I sigh. "I don't know what to do about that mate." I admit softly. "Nothing would make me happier than for her to take me back, but this time it's not about me. Tell the truth, before I told you three days ago, did you know about the drugs?" I meet his eyes, and get my answer as he looks away. "Exactly." I offer. "Don't beat yourself up mate, I hid it on purpose. I couldn't hide it from her though, hard as I tried. From day one, she knew. She never ever pressured me to stop, but she also never encouraged it. The week before your wedding, I made a promise to her to cut out the drugs and cut back on the drinking. I was going to check into a clinic nearby the day after the wedding." I breathe deeply. "I slipped, and I slipped big the day of your wedding. It broke her – and me."

"You keep saying drugs." He starts. "What were you on?"

"Do you really want to know this mate? Because you sound like you do, but it would crack your pretty little view of our college years."

"Spit it out Finn." He growls.

"Heroin, cocaine, vicodin, methamphetamines. If it could be put into my body to make me forget, I was generally on it. My drug of choice was alcohol, memories of a misspent youth on the vineyards I suppose. Most of the times you couldn't find me you assumed I was off with a lovely red-haired lady. While this was true on occasion, and I encouraged your belief, often those were binges."

He closes his eyes. "I owe you an apology Finn." He says softly. "I considered myself your friend, and I never noticed that you were destroying yourself."

I sit on the couch next to him. "I didn't want you to notice mate. I wanted friends who would party with me. I didn't particularly care that you didn't party to quite the same extent, primarily because on some level, I knew that I should stop. I was always glad that the rest of you weren't as far gone as I was. That's why I never tried to offer any of you my treats."

He laughs a bit. "You called your drugs your 'treats'?"

"Mate, you knew me back then, would I have called them anything else?"

He sighs. "I couldn't have done anything, could I?"

"Had it gone on much longer, you likely would have started to notice." I admit. "If her leaving hadn't shaken me as it did, you most definitely would have noticed, quickly I assume. I've spoken about it extensively with my psychiatrist. I came to a fork in my life that night. I chose to get help, many others wouldn't have. I almost didn't."

"Why did you choose to go into treatment?"

I smile a bit. "Rory Gilmore." I tell him. "I had broken a rather large promise to her, and despite all of the things I had done, I couldn't bring myself to break another. The only difference was that I didn't check into a local clinic. I returned to Sydney, and found a clinic there." I lean back into the sofa. "My being in New York is going to be very difficult for everyone." I admit. "If at any point you feel I should leave, I don't know that I'll be able to, but I do promise that I won't bother you if you don't want me around."

"Finn, you're one of our best friends." Logan says calmly. "We missed you. We all have a lot to process right now, but we still want you around."

"You can't speak for everyone mate."

"Actually, I can. I got nominated to."

I glance at him and lift an eyebrow. "Did you then?"

He shrugs. "Like I said, Lane and Steph are pissed – really pissed, but beyond that they feel that if Rory didn't tell us what happened, there had to be a reason. Colin is married to Rory's best friend, he didn't want to step on any toes since he goes to Stars Hollow on a regular basis."

I nod. "I must say, it's fairly strange to know that you're all putting up with me."

He groans. "Man, I'm only going to say this once: you're our friend, we love you. Yes, you hurt Rory, but she forgave you. We don't really know why, but she did. That's enough for us."

"Even I don't entirely understand why she forgave me."

"Since I didn't know you were together, I don't know when you hooked up." He pauses. "However, I do know that the two of you were always freakishly linked. You complimented one another in a really strange way, and could follow each other's thought processes. Now, anyone who can keep up with Ace is nuts, so that could very well be a part of her decision. I don't really think it is, but anyways, the fact of the matter is that you were freakishly close friends. That part of a relationship doesn't die just because a couple gets together."

"I'm not sure I follow mate."

"How long were Steph and I friends before we started dating?"

"Close on twelve years I suppose."

"To this day, there are times when we sit down and talk as best friends, not lovers. She truly is my best friend. I know it's sappy, but it's true. Whatever more you had with Rory, you still had friendship at the core of it. You hurt Rory your girlfriend to the point where she couldn't be that anymore, but beneath the hurt there was still Rory your friend, who prayed that you would be able to get your act together." His phone rings. "Work calls." He grins. "Wait here." He crosses to the desk and picks up the phone, speaking softly with the person on the other end, and hangs up a few minutes later. "You've been summoned."

I lift my eyebrows. "What does that mean?"

"That was my wife. You're supposed to come to dinner tonight, Lorelai is taking the kids."

"Why would Rory's mother be taking your children for the night?"

"She's their grand-godmother." He shrugs.

"Is it sad that I actually understood that?"

"Not really. You know Lorelai. She wouldn't stand for it if any of us went and got nannies, so she succinctly told us that we weren't allowed to. She watches the kids when Steph has to travel on business, and any time we all want to get together for a grown up dinner."

"This is so that you don't have to call on your own parents I suppose?"

"I'm certainly not going to ask Shira and Mitchum to baby-sit, Steph is the same way about her parents. Lane and Colin decided before she even got pregnant that they would never leave their kids with his family, and once she got pregnant, she declared that her children would never be left alone for extended periods of time with Mama Kim. Something about soy muffins." He pauses. "Lorelai stepped up and said she would take care of any grandparent-like duties since 'her own evil child was never going to give her any of her own'."

I can feel myself wince. "She didn't say that in front of Rory, did she?"

He nods. "She did, actually. Rory was hurt, but brushed it off. She pointed out that she would just have to suck it up and wait for Will to have kids. That way she could be a Grandma at the same time as Sookie."

"Luke and Lorelai procreated?"

"Will is the same age as Sookie's youngest daughter, Lily."

"What are they going to do if young Will and Lily don't like one another?"

"Die of depression, apparently."

There's a brief knock at the door before she walks in. "Logan, Steve at the Times is having an aneurysm over tomorrow's news copy. Why the hell is he calling me?" she clips, and freezes when she sees me. "Hey Finn." She whispers, and turns quickly back to Logan.

He winces. "You weren't supposed to find out until the board meeting this afternoon." He offers. "He was supposed to keep calling me until then."

Her eyes go wide. "You're giving me the Times?"

He spreads his arms wide. "What did you expect me to do Ror? Circulation at the Gazette is up three-fold since you took it over."

"All I did was change the font!" she shouts.

"Which in turn made it more accessible to the average reader!"

She groans. "The content didn't change Logan – at all. The only reason circulation went up is because the font gives off a different vibe."

"You mentioned that, but the fact of the matter is that you got circulation up."

"I don't have time to run four papers."

"You're getting another assistant."

"I have four."

"One for each paper, and one for you. You know that, I explained it. You're getting Matthew."

"Matthew is your assistant."

"Matthew is my assistant for the Times. You're getting the Times. He's part of the package."

I stand. "You're working, I'll go."

Rory turns. "We're almost done, you don't have to go."

I smile. "Ah, but you forget, I also have a job that I'm currently neglecting. Congratulations on the Times Rory."

Her eyes soften a bit. "Thanks." She whispers.

"So you're taking it?" Logan cuts in. "Great, I have other work to do."

He pushes us both out of his office and I stand before her quietly. "Hi." I offer.

"I can't believe you did that!" she exclaims. "Walk with me."

I follow her down the hall, and into an office nearly as large as Logan's. "Is there a problem?" I ask carefully.

"I went in there to yell at him! I went in there to yell at him because I don't have any free time as it is, how in the hell am I supposed to breathe with _**another**_ paper to run? And then you say 'congratulations' as though I wanted it, and I get distracted to thank you, because well, you're you and you distract me, and now I'm stuck with the Times!"

_Right._ "I distract you?" Her eyes narrow. _Wrong thing to comment on._ "What was I supposed to say, exactly? You love the New York Times."

"That doesn't mean I have time to run it!"

"Perhaps if you took advantage of the fact that Logan likely already has this Matthew chap running most of it anyways? You could also start to have your assistants do more work at your other papers." I cross my arms.

"How could you possibly have known that I do most of the work myself?"

"Because you always have, you're a perfectionist in your work." I pause. "Editor-in-chief means all you need to check up on is your editorial staffs, and even then the assistant to the editor-in chief can do most of that. Each of your papers has what, eight to ten senior editors?"

"On average." She shrugs.

"So those are the only people you really need to stay on top of. They're supposed to know how to run their own staffs."

She closes her eyes and collapses into the chair behind her desk. "I know, but –

"But nothing." I cut her off. "You're their boss, and yes, you're everyone else's boss too, but that does not mean you have to call your reporters. That's why you have other editors. It's also why you have assistant editors-in-chief."

"I guess I never thought of it that way."

I cross my arms. "Did Logan ever send you for management training?"

"I earned my job Finn." She clips.

"I never said you didn't, but being the best and brightest doesn't mean you were trained in staff management."

"I never had time. I got thrown in headfirst and have been trying to stay afloat ever since."

"Bloody hell." I mutter darkly. "He's working you into the ground."

She looks up and smiles softly. "Only because I did it first." She whispers. "When you left I threw myself into my work." She shrugs. "I guess I never thought to stop running."

I lift an eyebrow. "Our dear friend Logan reminded me of something today. Before I hurt you, we were friends. Is that still true?"

Slowly, she nods. "Of course that's still true. I told you that."

"Yes, but it didn't really crack my thick head until he bludgeoned me with it this morning. Tell him you need a management seminar, even if it's only a few days shadowing him. You are allowed to admit that you can't breathe."

She bites her lip. "He's going to be mad, he'll take away –

"No, he won't. You work too much, he told me that himself."

"I don't mind working all the time."

"I know you think you don't, but think about it. You would be able to go out with them all more, socialize." I pause, and breathe in deeply. "You could find the love of your life out there somewhere."

_

* * *

I could find him in front of me. I move my eyes away from him and nod slowly. "Yeah, I suppose it wouldn't suck to have a few nights a week off." I pause. "I could watch re-runs of The Office." _

I can almost feel the tension leave his body. "You need to slow down. When's the last time you went out to a movie?"

I shrug. "I wrote a review of _Tristan & Isolde_."

"_Tristan & Isolde_ came out six years ago – and you went to it with me."

I meet his eyes. "I know."

"You wrote a review of it?"

I sigh. "I went back to watch it the next night."

He grins. "You should go to a film."

"I don't even know what's out."

"You run four papers, look it up in one of them."

"I can't go to a movie alone!"

"So I'll go with you, we'll go after this thing at Logan and Steph's tonight."

I pause. "What thing at Logan and Steph's?"

"The one he wasn't supposed to tell you about because it's a surprise congratulations dinner on getting the Times." Logan's voice clips. "I didn't tell you to invite her."

We glance at him in the door to his office, and Finn shrugs. "You didn't tell me not to either."

"Hey, I'm not done yelling at you yet." I say to Logan with a smile.

"Rory, we talked about this." Finn cuts me off.

I glance and him, and then I sigh. "Yeah, I know." I look at Logan. "We need to talk."

His eyes go wide. "Okay, but we have a board meeting in ten minutes."

"I'll be quick."

"That's my cue to leave." Finn offers. "I'll see you both tonight."

As he walks away, I can't help but smile at how tall he's standing. _He really is clean._

"Are you okay Rory?" Logan asks softly, and I glance back at him before watching Finn disappear around the corner.

I nod. "Let's get this over with." I move into his office, and he follows.

We sit on his couch, and he tilts his head. "What's up?"

"I'm drowning." I whisper. "I'm drowning and I didn't even notice it. You can't just hand me the Times, Logan. I'll micro-manage myself to death."

"Rory, you're the best editor-in-chief we have, and with James retiring I have to take over the Chronicle out in LA. Whom else would it go to?"

"Someone with management training?"

Suddenly his eyes go wide, and I can see him mentally scan the last four years. He winces, and meets my eyes. "Oops."

"Something like that." I mutter. "I just…until yesterday it never occurred to me to look outside these walls. But…as much as I'm afraid to admit it, with him back…" I look away sharply.

"You still have feelings for him, don't you?"

I sigh. "On some level, I think I've always had feelings for him." I close my eyes and lean back into the couch. "Did you see how tall he was walking? How clear his eyes were? Logan, he's not lying. He really is clean."

"He was that bad before?"

I smile softly. "You weren't supposed to know Logan. He hid it from you on purpose. The only reason I noticed it because I watched him. He was always a little hunched over; his eyes were never entirely unclouded. He claimed to hate the sun so that he could hide his eyes behind sunglasses. If he thought you'd notice, he just didn't bother coming back to the dorm." I open my eyes to look at him. "You couldn't have known, because he's always been really good at hiding it."

"Except from you, apparently."

"It was different for me. I wasn't there as it built up, for one. He hadn't been that bad the whole time you'd known him. Drinking, yes, but the drugs? Those didn't start until Senior Year High School, from what he told me. The only reason I saw the shakes at all when they came on was because I tended to watch him."

"Before you got together?"

"I've always watched him."

"More than I needed to know."

"We weren't officially together until just after you and Steph got engaged. Before that, we were…"

"Just don't say 'no strings'. You and I both know how good you _**aren't**_ at that."

I laugh lightly. "No, it wasn't 'no strings' so much as 'never talk about it at all'. I…I didn't want to admit I was falling in love with a drug addict, and he didn't want to admit that he wasn't ready to give drugs up; even for me. We were sleeping together, and we went out a lot, but it took a while before either of us admitted it meant anything, let alone that it meant something."

"I'm not sure that made any sense."

"I know. I just…yes, I'm in love with him. I've been in love with him for a long time. I can't get the image of that night out of my head though, and there's no trust left." I pause, thinking about the sight of him walking away standing straight and tall. "Very little trust, at least."

I watch as Logan processes the information. "I don't really understand how there's any trust at all, but if you're sure…"

"Sure about what?"

"Shadowing me for the next three weeks while your assistants shadow Matthew so that you can start having more of a life for yourself."

I shake my head. "Yeah. That I'm sure about."

"Great. Just…act surprised at dinner tonight. I know you'll forget to during the board meeting, and since Matthew already moved his things to your bullpen, that's okay. But Steph wants dinner to be an _**actual**_ surprise. I was supposed to have forgotten some paperwork at home for you as an excuse to get you to stop by on your way home."

* * *

As I hang up the phone and stretch my neck, I notice a petite Asian girl sitting on my couch, and start. "How did you get into my office?" 

"I'm quiet."

"My secretary is a visitor nazi. How did you get into my office?"

She shrugs. "I don't take advantage of it often, but being the wife of one of the more powerful attorneys in the city does have its perks."

"She let you in because you're Colin's wife?" I quirk an eyebrow. _She wouldn't do that._

"Plus she knows Mama."

"That I'll believe. Now, since we've covered the how, why don't we try covering the why?"

"I'm not sure I follow."

"Lane, why are you here?"

"You see Finn, apparently, when women get married, they're expected to do horrible, awful things with their husbands, or so Mama tells me."

"Please stop creating the image of your mother having sex and tell me why you've graced my office with your unexpected presence."

"I want to ask you what your intentions are towards my best friend."

I feel my eyes go wide. "You're here about Rory?"

"Since Lorelai still doesn't know what you did, and Rory has forbidden us all from telling her, I've decided that it's my duty to find out what your intentions are. Following that, I'll threaten you appropriately, and then we can pretend I was never here."

I sigh. "I'm not entirely sure."

Her eyes narrow. "You will agree with me that I was never here, or I will follow through on my threats."

"That's not what I said." I meet her eyes. "I'm not going to tell you I'm not in love with Rory. I would be lying, and I try not to do that anymore."

"I was under the impression that you didn't lie at all anymore."

I shrug. "Everyone tells a few lies in their life. Things like 'yes da, I'm spending 14 hours a day in the office'. Or perhaps to clients 'My day is going wonderfully, you?'" I pause. "That one I use on the days when my cravings are worse."

"You still get cravings?"

"Not as often for the drugs as I once thought I would." I admit. "But for a drink? Every day. I'm an alcoholic. I'm also a drug addict, but I've always preferred liquor."

"Honesty is new from your mouth."

"I'm aware."

"When you left, it was just after Logan's wedding. She wouldn't leave her bedroom, wouldn't drink coffee. A week later, she came out, went to work, and never really came back. We get glimpses of her sometimes. When Logan's boys were christened, when her mom and Luke finally got married, when Will was born: those were times Rory's eyes seemed almost alive. None of us understood why the wedding hurt her so much, especially since she's the one who initially set him up with Steph."

I shrug. "I don't know what to say to you about that Lane. I've spent the last five years thinking she told all of you. I honestly thought that if I ever came back, it would be to unanswered phone calls and restraining orders. But when I did come back, it was to open arms, and you were happy too. I didn't understand, until she explained that she didn't tell you anything."

"She never got over you. She never mentioned that it was you she wasn't over, but we all knew there was someone." Lane pauses. "Don't hurt her again. It would kill her."

"And you'll get Colin to draw up a fancy restraining order?"

"I'll get Mama to come to this office to visit."

I swallow. "That'll do."

She smiles. "I thought it might."

* * *

I collapse into the plush chair behind my desk and sigh. _This is going to kill me. I can't work like Logan; I can't just __**not **__know my staff!_ I grab the phone as it rings. "Gilmore." 

"You sound enthused." Lane's voice comes through.

"It's been a long day."

"You saw Finn again?"

"Among other things. I just…seeing him, having him around again: it made me realize how very little time I spend outside of this building."

"It had to happen sometime."

"But am I ready for it to happen? Am I ready to go there again? I know I never talked about it, but there was a reason for that Lane. There was a reason I didn't talk about it and it was because I didn't want to face it!"

"Did he ask you out?"

"Not exactly, I mean, he's going to a thing at Logan's tonight and wants me to go with him. Which is weird, since Logan didn't mention a thing." _I can't believe I'm lying to her about this. It's so stupid._

"You know you don't have to lie to me about the party. You have to lie to Steph. There's a difference."

"I think I'm going to micro-manage myself to death Lane."

"Isn't that why you're shadowing Logan?"

"How did you know about that?"

"I'm with Colin, he leaves the office at a normal hour. He told me."

"I'm scared. I'll admit it, the idea of taking over the Times terrifies me."

"You'll be ready."

"Will I? Will I be ready to step out of this building at a decent time three weeks from now? Will I be ready to admit that I have time to participate in my own social life?"

"You need to talk to Finn."

"This isn't entirely about him."

"Yes it is, and you know it. Your relationship with your mother is fine, so is your relationship with us. The only area of your life that's grey right now is your love life. Talk to Finn."

"What if he doesn't want to try? What if he doesn't want to rebuild what we had?" I prop my head up as I lean on my desk. "I can't go there again, I can't get hurt like that again. Not yet, not by him."

"I'm not saying that you should pull him into a closet and do him; I'm saying that you should tell him you're afraid."

I bite my lip. "Yeah?" I ask softly, and smile when Logan steps into the room.

"Yeah."

"I'll think about it."

"You do that. I'll see you later."

"Bye Lane." I hang up, and glance at Logan. "So, paperwork at home, huh? Couldn't come up with a better one over the course of the afternoon?"

"Nope, and neither could you."

"I guess we should go then."

"In a minute." He sits in the chair across from my desk. "When's the last time you took a vacation?"

"That's a stupid question Logan."

"There's no such thing as a stupid question Rory."

"There is if you're my boss and you obviously looked it up before coming over tonight."

"Why did we pull you out of the bullpen again?"

"Because I kick ass."

"Right." He pauses. "When this shadowing thing is done you're taking two weeks off."

"I can't afford to take two weeks off."

"You're taking two weeks off." He holds up a hand. "Hear me out. If you don't take the time, you'll fall back into the habit of micro-managing, and your assistants will get used to you being around again. I want them to get used to not asking you every single little question. I also want you to take the time to get used to not having them ask you every single little question. Plus, you need a vacation."

"Logan –

"I'm not asking Rory. You're taking the two weeks if I have to tell security to ban you."

I feel myself nod. "Okay."

"Great. Let's go."

* * *

As we're sitting at the dinner table, I notice that she's unusually quiet. I bend down a bit closer. "Are you alright Rory?" 

She nods slowly. "Sure."

I tilt my head a bit. "What's wrong?"

She pauses, and meets my eyes carefully. "Can we talk about it later Finn? The dinner table isn't the ideal spot."

"We will talk though?"

She smiles. "Yeah. We will." We sit in comfortable silence for the rest of the meal, and as the maid takes our dessert plates, she pushes her chair back. "Guys, thank you so much for the dinner, it was amazing. I hate to dine and dash, but…" she pauses, "I'm just going to steal Finn. We have a lot to talk about and we might as well get it out of the way."

I see Steph and Lane nod in understanding, and feel her hand pull my arm slightly. "I'm coming." I say softly, pushing back myself. "Thanks for the meal." I nod at the others, and quickly follow her out of the dining room and to her car. "Rory, what's wrong?" I ask as soon as we're safely in her car.

"Just let me get home. I need to freak out, and I can't do that while I'm driving."

* * *

I'm sitting at the kitchen table, staring blankly at my coffee. He's next to me. "All of a sudden I'm afraid to say it." I whisper. 

"You said something about needing to freak out."

"I do."

"Is there a reason that hasn't started yet?"

"I don't want to scare you."

"The fact that you're not saying anything scares me. You talk through your fears – always have. Your not talking scares me."

"I'm shadowing Logan for the next three weeks, and my assistants are shadowing Matthew." I admit softly.

"That's a good thing, and you know it."

"Then Logan is making me take two weeks off."

"What's wrong with taking a vacation?"

"I've never taken a vacation. How am I supposed to stay in the groove if I take a vacation?"

"That's the whole point of the vacation. Logan doesn't want you to stay in the groove, he wants you to be a manager."

I nod. "That's what he said."

"That's not what you're freaking out about is it?"

"Do you really think that I would have pulled you away from everyone else to freak out about work? They all know I'm freaking out about work. The only person who knows that I'm scared shitless of my feelings for you is Lane."

"And me."

"Well, two minutes ago it was just Lane who knew." I pause. "You wrecked me Finn. I know Lane talked to you. She didn't say anything about it, but I know. After the wedding, I knew you weren't coming back. I didn't know what to do, where to turn. I couldn't bring myself to move. A week later, I realized I was scaring everyone. I realized that most of all, I was scaring Steph. She was convinced that I had locked myself away because she married Logan. I couldn't do that to her, or to anyone else. So I got up, took a shower, and left for work." I pause to meet his eyes. "I don't trust you anymore." I admit. "I don't trust you, but I'm still in love with you, and I don't know what to do about it."

He nods, and stands slowly. He reaches out to pull me up out of my chair, and I find myself wrapped in his arms. "The only thing I feel like I can say is that I'm in love with you Rory Gilmore." He whispers. "I don't know what will help in terms of rebuilding your trust in me, but I will try everything in my power to do just that."

I nod, leaning into his chest. "You and me against the world?"

"Absolutely." I feel his arms tighten around me and I do the same. "One day at a time."

I pull back a tiny bit to meet his eyes. "It just occurred to me that I never told you how proud I am of you for being clean. I am, you know. I am amazingly proud of you."

He closes his eyes. "That means more to me than you'll probably ever know." He offers quietly. "I always hoped you would be. I think it was what kept me going. I couldn't let myself let you down again, it hurt too much: it hurt more than I thought I could numb."

I feel a tear slip down my cheek. "Like that." I whisper.

"What are you talking about?"

"You get my trust back by saying things like that."

"I don't understand."

"You'd been avoiding pain your whole life Finn. Your whole life, but you faced it for me. That means so much more than you realise."

* * *

I stare at her. "It can't be that easy." I hang my head. 

"Of course it can. All I want, all I've ever wanted, was the truth from you. I'm not saying it's going to be a quick fix, because clearly it's not, but the little things matter." A small laugh escapes her. "Finn, the fact that you don't walk hunched over anymore is part of what convinced me to talk to you in the first place."

I pull her back against me tightly before releasing her. "We need to start from the beginning." I lead her into her living room and pull the DVD off of her shelf. "Here."

Her eyes go wide. "I haven't watched that since –

"Neither have I."

"I suppose it's appropriate. Depressing most of the way through, but appropriate none the less."

"Rory, this was the first movie we watched together without the others. It's only right that we start again from here."

"There's a lot of –

"I wouldn't have picked it if I wasn't sure."

She nods, and moves to the couch. "_When a Man Loves A Woman_ it is then."

I place the disc in the player and settle next to her quietly, gently taking her hand in mine. "We're going to be okay, aren't we?" I whisper.

She smiles a tiny bit. "I really do think we will. Slowly but surely, you'll find the pieces of my heart that you scattered. And when you do, you'll glue them back together the way only you can."

"So currently?"

"Still broken."

"But fixable."

"I didn't think so until I saw you walking away at the office this morning."

"And you're sure you want me to do the fixing?"

She nods. "Hey, you break it you bought it mister. I'm yours to fix."


End file.
